WARNING: The MST you are about to read is based on a yaoi hentai fanfic featuring Prince Endymion and his guards during the Silver Millennium: Kunzite, Zoisite, Jadeite and Nephrite. That means there's graphic descriptions of a sexual nature. This MST is the only complete one so far and it is a spoiler to the Gemlord universe.

If you are under the age of 18, don't like hentai or adult stories, live somewhere were the viewing of such material is prohibited, or are easily offended, stop reading this page and leave right now.

Now, after all that, don't say we didn't warn you . . .

[Dark 13, a dim and shadowy cavern deep within the labyrinth of the Dark Kingdom. In one wall is set a large viewscreen, which extends from a foot above the floor to a good ten feet in height. A bank of computers is set to one side of the screen; a figure with metallic-silver hair that spills to the floor sits before one of the computers. This is GENERAL SILVER, a liquid-metal lifeform capable of assuming human shape and possessed of an acute intelligence. Slender hands enter a few commands on the keyboard as SILVER swivels in the chair to look at the screen]

SILVER: Now, let me see . . . first victim--er, *subject* . . .

[The screen blinks on, displaying two images; both are obviously the same woman, a tall, well-built redhead with intense golden eyes. One picture shows her in ordinary jeans and t-shirt; the other shows her in a form-fitting black bodysuit with metallic-green knee boots, elbow-length gloves, shoulder accents, and belt; a golden long cloak is attached to her shoulder pauldrons with ivory-and-gold brooches. She also wears a gold circlet set with three ivory fangs. A pair of metal-band gauntlets on her hands support wickedly curving blades that extend out past her fingers.]

SILVER: *There* you are. [a nasty smirk]
COMPUTER [sounding like the computer voice on "Star Trek"]: Sailor Draco. Terran identity: Sonya Wolfe. Originally from a solar system on the far side of the Milky Way. Current location: Tokyo. Wife of Commander Nephrite of the Elemental Guard.
SILVER: Good. Next . . .

[The images change; it's another woman with dark-red hair that falls in short, curly locks around her face and deep green eyes. Again, one image shows her in "civilian" clothing; in the other, she wears a scarlet bodysuit with gold knee boots, elbow gloves, shoulder accents and belt. A silver circlet crosses her brow. A brightly polished, wicked-looking dagger is held in one gloved fist.]

COMPUTER: Sailor Callisto. Terran identity: Blaze Kennedy. Member of the American Sailor Soldiers; former bodyguard to Princess Jupiter. Current location: Pittsburgh. Wife of Commander Zoisite of the Elemental Guard.
SILVER [smirking]: That's two. Now who else--oh, of *course*.

[The next two images show a young man and young woman who look like identical twins; only subtle differences in their faces--such as his squarer jaw and her fuller lips--set them apart. Their eyes and hair are also different; the male has short, wavy golden-blond hair, while the female's is very long and a deep purple in color. Their eye colors are the reverse--the man has light-violet eyes, while the woman has dark amber-gold.]

COMPUTER: Lord and Lady Ametrine. Terran identity: None known. Gemlord of Lithos, with the unique attribute of existing as a single mind within two bodies of opposite genders. Current location: Atlantis. Wife--and husband--of Commander Jadeite of the Elemental Guard.
SILVER [dark chuckle]: That's *three*. One more . . .

[Another pair of images. Younger-looking than the others--perhaps nineteen--a young woman with the starkly white hair and skin and the scarlet eyes of an albino gazes out of the screen. Again, a "civilian" picture is shown next to another image; this one shows her dressed in a black sailorfuku with dark-red skirt, collar, and trim on gloves and boots. The bows on the skirt and breast are a soft silver; an eight-rayed star ruby centers the chest bow. A deep red jewel is set into the silver tiara on her brow, and she wields a truly awesome scythe with a black shaft; five red crystals are set into the curving blade]

COMPUTER: Sailor Dione. Terran identity: Katrina Troy. Member of the Saturnian guard. Current location: Atlantis. Wife of Commander Kunzite of the Elemental Guard.
SILVER [rising from her chair, grinning wickedly]: That's *four*. Excellent. Computer, acquire their patterns and transport them to the satellite . . .

[Bridge of the Dark Satellite. (Yes, it looks uncannily like the Satellite of Love.) It's dim and quiet for a moment; then, with an intense flash of light, four figures appear and immediately stumble and fall over in a large heap]

BLAZE: Hey, what the *hell*?!
SONYA: Dammit! Prepare to die, villainous scum!
KAT: I am *not* villainous scum, you--*Sonya*?
SONYA: *Kat*?
AME [muffled]: Help! I can't breathe!
BLAZE: What's going on?
SONYA: Blaze?
BLAZE: Sonya?
KAT: Blaze?
BLAZE: Kat?
AME [muffled]: Get off me!
BLAZE: Sonya?
SONYA: Blaze?
KAT: Sonya?
SONYA: Kat?
AME [muffled]: You're crushing my ribs!
BLAZE: Kat?
KAT: Blaze?
SONYA: Kat?
KAT: Sonya?
AME [muffled]: All of you! Stop the Rocky Horror Mousketeers ripoff and GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!

[the bodies sort themselves out; KAT rolls off to one side, BLAZE rolls to the other, and SONYA, who weighs approximately three hundred pounds due to a certain difference in matter density between her race and humans, manages to get up off of LADY AMETRINE, who is looking decidedly worse for wear.]

AME [sitting up]: About *time*! I thought I was going to have to--where are we?
[The four look around, confused. The Viewscreen blinks on, revealing SILVER's smirking face]

[D13]
SILVER: Hello, lab rats. Having a nice day?

[DS]
SONYA: *You*! I'm going to *obliterate* you! [curving blades--the Dragon Claws--suddenly appear on her hands] Draco Celestial Spirit Ascend! [nothing happens] What the--?!
BLAZE: I'll handle it, Sonya. [she pulls out the Mirror Dagger] Callisto Stellar Essence Transform! [nothing]
KAT: Both of you, step back. [she extends her right hand to the side and the Grim Scythe appears in her grip] Dione Soul Power! [still nothing]

[D13]
SILVER: Oh, *spare* me. Your powers won't work here. [an even more evil smirk] Not even yours, Ametrine. [pause] Wait, where's your other half?

[DS]
AME: Somewhere else. And if you don't let us out of here, I'm going to tell Jadeite and the Elemental Guard is going to smash you like a bug on a windshield.
SONYA [snarling]: You *bet* they will.

[D13]
SILVER [ostentatiously filing her nails]: How amusing. I hate to disappoint you, but even the Elementals can't get you out of there. You ladies happen to be in a rather remote location--a satellite within the Dark Kingdom.

[DS]
BLAZE: *What*? That place is all caverns and shit! How can there be a *satellite* there?

[D13]
SILVER: Magic.

[DS]
KAT [muttering]: Ah yes, the magic of Plot Contrivance. [There's a distant, ominous rumbling.]
BLAZE: What was that?

[D13]
SILVER: The Fourth Wall. Your bleached friend is coming dangerously close to being flattened by it.

[DS]
ALL [singing]: The Fourth Wall comes tumblin' down . . .
KAT [blinking]: What in the name of Saturn was *that*?!

[D13]
SILVER: The Aura of Riffing. It permeates these Satellites for some reason . . . hmm, the four of you seem to be more susceptible to it than most. Usually it doesn't kick in until you enter the theatre.

[DS]
SONYA [stonily]: Let me guess. You're going to make us watch bad movies until our heads explode.

[D13]
SILVER: Not exactly. You're going to read bad fanfics, actually, and if I feel nice at some point, maybe I'll let you go. And for your maiden voyage, I have a *truly* tasteless little jewel that is guaranteed to make the four of you erupt in self-righteous fury. [smirking] I *know* how much you all adore those idiot husbands of yours, so you really ought to enjoy *this* one. [she reaches over and presses a button on the console]

[DS. Lights, klaxons, and all the usual hysteria. The four wives of the Elemental Guard aren't running in circles; they're kind of trudging instead]
BLAZE [monotone]: We've got fanfic sign.
OTHERS [equally monotonous]: Aaaaaaah.

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[The four women enter the theatre and take their seats; from left to right: SONYA, BLAZE, AMETRINE, and KAT]

BLAZE: Why the *hell* are we doing this again?
KAT: Because if we don't, we'll be stuck up here forever.
SONYA: When I get down, I'm going to shove Silver's head up her own ass.
AME: Can you *do* that to someone?
SONYA: You'll get to watch and find out.

[Jamas.Enright@vuw.ac.nz]

KAT: Prepare the mailbombs.

WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS...
by the Hentai Man

BLAZE: When all else fails . . . try finding an original friggin' name!
SONYA: Amen.

Endymion took another sip of his drink and sighed. He cast his eyes around the bar.

KAT [Endymion]: Oops. I keep losing those at the darnedest times.
BLAZE [random barfly]: Excuse me, sir, your left eye is in my gin!

Not much chance of any action tonight, he thought.

SONYA: Nope. So what's on RAW?

On one side of him, Nephrite sat and drank, on the other side Kunzite and Zoisite sat, snuggled against each other.

[KAT and BLAZE begin to smolder very quietly]
SONYA: Geez, do I sense jealousy?
KAT and BLAZE: Hell yes.

Endymion heard a slap, then Jadeite returned to his seat beside Nephrite.

AME [starting to get up]: Someone *hit* my *husband*?! That's it . . .
BLAZE [grabbing hold of her arm]: Oh, sit down. It's not really your husband, and anyway, you can't do much.
[AME sits down slowly, grumbling angrily]

"Looks like no-one wants to fuck a Royal Guardian," Jadeite said, taking a swig.

KAT: That would be because they're laughing at your stupidity in hyphenating "no one."
AME: Watch it . . .
BLAZE: Ame. Relax. Not really your husband.
AME: That doesn't help much . . .

Endymion snorted. "You'd think it'd be easier being a prince, but none of the bitches here care to spread their legs."

BLAZE: You know, *I* don't remember Prince Endymion ever talking trash like that.
KAT: Not really Prince Endymion.
BLAZE: Thank you for the reminder.

"Have you tried to get it on with that blond piece of fluff from the Moon Kingdom?" Nephrite asked.

SONYA: Nephrite *certainly* doesn't talk like *that*.
BLAZE: Not really your husband.
SONYA: Yeah, but I don't recall any "authentic" version of him being so boorish either.
KAT: Naoko-sama would hurl.

"I have to act 'respectable' to her," Endymion said sourly. "Bloody arranged marriages. She's probably a cold fish in bed. Can't even walk without falling over."

SONYA: And once again, we see poor Endymion kicked so far out-of-character that it makes me want to cry . . .
KAT: What happened to, oh, his *everlasting and undying devoted true love* toward the Princess?
BLAZE: I don't like where this might be going, girls.

Nephrite put a comraderly hand on Endymion's shoulder. "Let's get back home. Looks like the only ones getting any tonight are Kunzite and Zoisite. Again."

[KAT and BLAZE smolder some more]
SONYA: I *definitely* don't like where this might be going.
AME: Neither do I.

They left the bar, and stumbled their way to Endymion's quarters. Inside, Nephrite, Jadeite and Endymion got fresh drinks, and sat side by side on the couch.

BLAZE: Warning! Warning! Lemon-scene setup . . .
SONYA: No *way*. Not a *yaoi* lemon . . . not with *these* guys . . .
KAT: Well, Silver *is* just that sick.

Kunzite sank into an arm chair, pulling Zoisite onto his lap. They started trading deep kisses.

[KAT and BLAZE begin to growl]
AME [Michael Jackson, singing]: Those guys/Are not your lovers . . .
SONYA [weakly]: Trading kisses? Is that like trading baseball cards?

Nephrite rolled his eyes. "Look at them. Can't keep their hands off each other.

SONYA: They got into the superglue again, I see . . .

If we were attacked, some guardians they'd be."
Jadeite was watching the pair at work, and surreptisciously

KAT: Surreptisciousciousciously?

tried to adjust his trousers to ease a growing erection.

[a long moment of silence]
AME [leaping up from her chair]: No! I call no way! This is not happening! Jade doesn't go for that kind of thing, *I* should *know* that . . .
SONYA [chanting]: It's not your Jadeite. It's not your Jadeite. It's not your Jadeite . . .

Endymion sat between the two, and smirked at Jadeite. "Thinking of joining them?"

AME [Jade]: Just for that, I'm going to short-sheet your bed, Prince Pervert!
SONYA: Maybe you shouldn't mention "bed" . . .

"Just bloody horny," Jadeite admitted. "Getting a bad case of blue balls."

SONYA: Geez. That's sad.
AME: *My* Jade doesn't have that problem.
BLAZE [still fuming]: None of *our* husbands have any of the problems they're cursed with in many of this horrible fics.
KAT: I have to wonder why they're called *fan*-fics when half of them butcher the characters so badly--and sometimes so literally.
SONYA: Huh?
KAT: Go find something titled "The Countess Chronicles." And bring a sick-bag.

"At least that's one thing I never have to worry about," came Kunzite's voice,

AME: *Eeeeewww* . . .
SONYA: Look, don't get hentai. The story will do it *for* you.

and the three looked over, their eyes nearly popping out.

BLAZE: Endymion really needs to get that taken care of.

Zoisite now knelt between Kunzite's legs, his head in Kunzite's lap, moving up and down on Kunzite's freed erection.

[BLAZE and KAT go dead silent; smoke begins rising from both of them]
SONYA: I sense possessive jealousy.
BLAZE and KAT: No *shit*, Sherlock!

Nephrite picked up a cushion and threw it at the pair. "Thanks for an image I really didn't want," he said.

SONYA: *There's* my love. Defending decency . . .
AME: It probably won't last.
SONYA: Shush. [grinning delusionally at the screen]

Kunzite caught the cushion, and threw it back. "You're just jealous," he said.

KAT: Yeah, I am. *Dear*.
AME [chanting]: Not your Kunzite. Not your Kunzite. Not your Kunzite . . .
KAT: I know . . . my Kunzie would never, ever, ever subject himself to this tripe . . .
BLAZE: *Kunzie*?
KAT: You, shush.

Nephrite growled but didn't deny it.

SONYA [staring at the screen]: Huh?
AME: I told you so.
SONYA: Come on, Neph, say "Hell no!" . . .

Jadeite's eyes were transfixed on Zoisite's head,

BLAZE: What the hell is it with people's eyes getting badly displaced in this fic?
SONYA: I wish I could displace *my* eyes. With a sharp stick. Then I wouldn't have to see this any more . . .

watching the long hard peice

KAT: Bzzt. Spelling error detected.
SONYA: It's not worth riffing spelling mistakes when the rest of the fic sucks, you know.
BLAZE: Do *not* say "suck" at this point.

of manmeat slide in and out of his mouth. His own mouth was dry, and one hand rubbed unconsciously over his crotch, his prick filling out as blood engorged it.

[AME buries her head in her hands, while SONYA pats her shoulder comfortingly]

Nephrite turned to Endymion, and saw the prince wrapped up in watching Kunzite and Zoisite. With a wicked grin, Nephrite reached over and unzipped Endymion's pants, and pulled his cock out, and slowly started jacking it.

[SONYA stares at the screen for a moment, then leaps from her chair with a primal scream of outrage; KAT and BLAZE have to jump up to wrestle her back down]

Endymion groaned in lust, then realised what was going on.

AME: He had somehow become an Englishman!

He slapped Nephrite's hand. "Stop that," he said. But he didn't remove Nephrite's hand from his cock.

KAT: The slap he administered had the result of jarring Nephrite's hand to such a degree that he ripped Endymion's winky clean off.
SONYA: Stop trying to make me feel better about this flaming car wreck of a fic . . .

"Seems to me your balls might be just as blue," Nephrite said. "No one to look after your needs."

BLAZE: I fail to see how a *prince* could have trouble getting a piece of ass.
KAT: That's what concubines are for, after all . . .
AME: And groupies.
SONYA: "Concubine" is a fancy word for "royal groupie."

"Fine then," moaned out Endymion. "As Royal Guardian, you're supposed to take care of me. And I got something that needs to be taken care of. We haven't got any women, so you'll have to do."

SONYA [leaping back up out of her seat]: YOU'RE A DEAD MAN, ENDYMION!! DEAD, DEAD, DEAD!!
[BLAZE, KAT, and AME wrestle her back down]

Nephrite licked his lips. "As you command, my prince." Nephrite moved off the couch, put down his drink, sat on the floor, then leaned over to lick the head of Endymion's cock.

[SONYA breaks down into tears, doubles over, and hides her head in her lap]
AME: You know, I actually find this kind of arousing.
BLAZE: That's because you're also a man.
AME: Yup.
KAT: Have a little pity on poor Sonya, huh?

Endymion closed his eyes as the tongue washed over his cockhead.

BLAZE: Nephrite *is* the Big Wave.

His head fell backwards and a moan escaped.

AME: It was later captured and shot as a traitor to the State.

A hand, Nephrite's, reached in and removed his balls from his pants.

ALL: O_O
AME [doubling over]: AAAAAUUUUGGGHH!!
BLAZE: You don't *have* those in this form!
AME: Still . . . sympathetic . . . agony . . .

Nephrite rolled the balls gently in his hands,

KAT: Um, Neph, pal? Those are *not* Chinese meditation balls.
BLAZE: I think Endymion's must be made of solid brass if he had the nerve to ask Nephrite to suck him off, though.
SONYA: Shut up! Just shut up!

and Endymion's eyes fluttered in passion. When Nephrite took the head of Endymion's cock into his mouth to suck on it softly, Endymion put a hand on Nephrite's head to keep the sensation from stopping.

SONYA [very grimly]: Nephrite, unable to take a breath, asphyxiated and died and was OUT OF THIS GODDAMN FIC!!
BLAZE: Hang in there, Sonya.

Not that Nephrite had any plans on stopping.

AME: And he sure couldn't, with Endymion holding him in a headlock . . .

The taste of Endymion's cock was quite pleasent.

BLAZE: Tastes like chicken!
SONYA: That was so completely unnecessary.

The head was soft, yet firm, and Nephrite washed it with his tongue, before slowly moving his head down to take the cock deeper into his mouth.

KAT: A whole new meaning to "choking one's chicken."
SONYA: *You* can be quiet too.

Nephrite felt a presence on his groin,

BLAZE: His dick has "spidey-sense"?
AME: I think *all* men have the innate power to know when their dick is near something interesting. I speak from experience.

and hands undid and opened his trousers. The hands took out his hard dick, and played with it for a moment,

KAT: The hands managed to get Boardwalk and Park Place first, though.

rubbing it up and down, and jacking it. A short time later, they stopped, and Nephrite moaned a little in disappointment

SONYA: As we screamed in torment.

around Endymion's prick. However, when a warm wetness engulfed his prick, Nephrite bucked his hips automatically to drive his cock into a willing home.

BLAZE: I wonder how much of a mortgage he had to put on that?
SONYA: Please, don't.

Twisting his head on Endymion's pole,

AME: Endymion the Impaler!
KAT: I have the feeling there'll be far more than enough "impaling" in a little while . . .

Nephrite looked down to see Jadeite's head bobbing up and down, meeting his thrusts.

SONYA and AME: O_O
BLAZE [weakly]: Incest is best, put your brother to the test . . .
KAT [chanting]: Not your Nephrite. Not your Jadeite. Not your Nephrite. Not your Jadeite . . .

Having his prick sucked, and sucking a prick himself was heavenly.

BLAZE: And somewhere, Dante is generating high torque in his mausoleum.
KAT: So is Jesus.

Kunzite looked the threesome over, and smiled to himself. The pleasures of other men was something he delighted in, and maybe, just maybe, there would be three more men he could sample.

[KAT begins to smolder]
BLAZE: Hello? Kunzite? They're not a goddamn cheese and sausage gift basket you get at Christmas.
AME: Do *not* mention sausage.
BLAZE: Ugh. Sorry.

He reached down and removed Zoisite's lips from around his cock,

SONYA: First eyes, then balls, now lips. They have detachable body parts?
KAT: Right now, I could believe *all five* of them are just big Mister Potato Head toys.
BLAZE: They're sure acting like they've got tater tots for brains.

bringing the sandy haired man up to trade another kiss.

AME: However, it was in slightly damaged condition, so it was devalued . . .

Both standing up, Zoisite stood still while Kunzite slowly undressed him, licking and sucking on his nipples as they became visible.

KAT: I'm gonna wash Kunzite's mouth when I get home.
BLAZE: I'm gonna wash Zoey's *chest* when *I* get home.
SONYA: Marking territory?
KAT and BLAZE: You're damn right.

Kunzite threw the top behind him while he sucked on Zoisite's chest,

BLAZE: The suction was so great that it ripped Zoisite's heart out and he died and was OUT OF THIS GODDAMN FIC!!
SONYA: I hear you, sister.

and slipped his hands down the back of Zoisite's pants to squeeze and play with Zoisite's firm ass.

BLAZE [turning to KAT]: Make your husband stop grabbing my husband's ass!
KAT: If I *could*, I sure as hell *would*, believe you me!

Zoisite moaned as his lover played with him, and gently stroked Kunzite's white hair. He put his hands on Kunzite's top, and pulled it up, forcing Kunzite to seperate

SONYA [Offspring, singing]: You gotta keep 'em separated!
BLAZE/KAT: *Please*?

from him so it could be removed.
Now apart and half naked, they wasted no time and removed the rest of their own clothes, hard cocks waggling in the air

[ALL wiggle a finger in the air]

while they did so. Once naked, they embraced and kissed, hard cocks pressing hard against each other.

AME: This sad scene brought to you by the Department of Redundancy Department.
SONYA: You know, that line is *so* overused.
AME: Yeah, but it's a classic.
KAT: Hey! The doors are unlocked!
BLAZE: Is it *over*?
KAT: I don't think so. I think we're getting a courtesy break.
SONYA: *Good*. I need to use the john.
[the ladies file out; door sequence in reverse]
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[Bridge. AME is searching every square inch of the floor and walls; BLAZE is watching her, looking bemused. KAT is sitting in the corner, intricately folding a piece of paper, and SONYA is nowhere in sight]
BLAZE: What the hell are you doing, Ame?
AME: Looking for a seam. If I can find an airshaft or an maintenance access panel, maybe I can find a way to bring this thing down.
BLAZE: I didn't know you were an electrician.
AME: I'm not. However, I think Sonya can channel enough electricity to burn the systems out.
BLAZE [sardonically]: And then the life-support will go, and we'll all die. Good plan.
AME: I'm a Gemlord. I don't need air to survive.
BLAZE: Have you noticed that Sonya and Kat and me *aren't* Gemlords?
AME: You three are Senshi. You'll live.
BLAZE: . . . well, okay.
[there's the sound of a toilet flushing; SONYA, drying her hands on her jeans, walks out of the left-hand passage onto the bridge]
SONYA: Have you guys checked this satellite out? It's pretty cool, actually. Nice suites, so we won't have to worry about sleeping on the floor or something--and there's a fully stocked kitchen. And some room that looks like the holodeck from "Star Trek: The Next Generation."
KAT [putting a sharp crease in the paper]: Wonderful. Just like dozens of other MSTers, we've stolen Megane 6.7's Holocabana . . .
[distant, ominous rumbling; the Viewscreen comes on suddenly]

[D13. SILVER is scowling into the Viewscreen pickup]
SILVER: What have I said about the Fourth Wall, you melanin-starved freak? *Don't break it*! [she pauses, then smirks] Enjoying the entertainment so far, ladies?

[DS]
KAT: Oh, fuck off.
AME: Kunzite would be shocked to hear you talking like that, Kat.
KAT: Kunzite would understand if he saw that atrocious fic.
AME: It's pretty stupid so far, actually. Sure, Kunzite and Zoisite swing both ways, but Jade, Neph, and Endymion certainly don't.
SONYA: It's a hentai fic, what did you expect? I suspect the author's a misogynist, though, given the general attitude in the opening few paragraphs.
BLAZE: Maybe he just hadn't gotten lucky lately.
KAT: Maybe.

[D13]
SILVER: Save the amateur psychoanalysis. Now get back in that theatre and smile, girls, smile! By the way, I'd like to see you all putting a little more heart into the hysteria when the klaxon goes off. It'd make me feel all warm and fuzzy.

[DS]
ALL: Fuck off.
[the lights and klaxons start up; this time, the wives put a little more verve into the running around and screaming part]
BLAZE [badly-dubbed Hong Kong movie extra]: We've got fanfic sign!
OTHERS [same]: Iiiiiiiiyyyyyyyaaaaaaaa!!

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[The four women enter the theatre and take the same seats as before]

SONYA: Here we go again.
BLAZE: Oh, joy.

Jadeite gave Nephrite's cock a last suck,

AME [slumping in her seat]: Thank you, God.

then attended to the task of removing Nephrite's boots and pants, not an entirely easy task while the other man was only half attentive.

SONYA: Ha. When *I* start stripping Nephrite, I have his *undivided* attention.
AME: Well, whoopty-fuckin'-doo for you, Sonya.

Still Nephrite did what he could to help, and soon was naked from the waist down.

SONYA: Just how I like him. [pause] EXCEPT IN THESE CIRCUMSTANCES!

Instead of returning to Nephrite's prick, Jadeite moved around and positioned himself on the other side of Nephrite.

SONYA and AME: O_O
SONYA: No . . .
AME: Please, *no* . . .

He placed his hands on Nephrite's ass checks,

BLAZE: And discovered they were overdrawn.

and spread them side.

KAT: . . . Huh?
BLAZE: I don't get it either.
AME: Typo.

Jadeite stucked

[ALL giggle, though AME does so very weakly]

out his tongue, and licked up Nephrite's ass crack, making the guardian writhe in pleasure.

SONYA: Making the guardian's *wife* scream in *fury*!
BLAZE [chanting]: Not your Nephrite. Not your Nephrite. Not your Nephrite . . .

Spending a few moments rimming Nephrite, Jadeite's tongue played around his hole before darting inside.

BLAZE: Lawn darts?
KAT: *Ow*.
AME: You know, I'm getting very jealous.
SONYA: Please tell me you did not just say what I thought you just said.
AME: Jadeite will never do that to *me*.
SONYA: Oh, my heart *bleeds* for you.

Endymion looked down at Nephrite head in his lap, and his cock sliding in and out of Nephrite's lips.

BLAZE: Sliding in and out . . . of his *lips*? Oh, *sick*, *ouch* . . .
SONYA: Is that physically possible?!
AME: Not without a sharp knife.

Why hadn't they done this before?

ALL: BECAUSE THEY WERE IN CHARACTER BEFORE!

It was the perfect way of easing their needs.

[ALL cough in a way that sounds suspiciously like "bullshit! bullshit!"]

He looked past Nephrite to see Jadeite emerging from Nephrite's ass.

[SONYA and AME turn green]
BLAZE: Now that's one hell of a party trick.
KAT: Better than pulling a rabbit out of a hat!
SONYA [weakly]: Shut up . . .

"He's ready if you wish to take him, my prince," Jadeite said.

[SONYA leaps out of her chair again; the others wrestle her down]
SONYA: Your husband's going to have my fist right through his head, Ame!
AME: Not if I get to him first, Sonya.
BLAZE [chanting] Not your Nephrite, not your Jadeite . . .

Nephrite heard this, and gave Endymion an extra hard suck, then removed his head. "Yes, my prince. Take me."

SONYA [burying her face in her hands]: And thus my husband plummets into the abyss of Out-of-Character, beyond all hope of redemption . . .
AME [whispering]: Nice plug.
SONYA [miserably]: Shut up.

They all stood, and Endymion and Jadeite helped Nephrite remove his top, before Nephrite and Jadeite stripped Endymion.

BLAZE: Is it just me, or is there a *lot* of pointless name-repetition?
KAT: Yes.

Nephrite turned and bent, putting his arms on the back of the couch, presenting his ass to Endymion. "Now," he moaned.

KAT [Nephrite]: Shoot me in the back of the head as a mercy killing!
SONYA: Please?

Jadeite took Endymion's prick in hand, and guided it to Nephrite's nether hole.

BLAZE: Making sure to point out the many interesting landmarks along the way.

He helped steady the prince as he aimed the cock directly at the hole. Endymion pushed, and the cock head slowly dipped inside. Both Nephrite and Endymion moaned aloud at tiny shocks ran through their bodies from pleasure.

SONYA: And Sonya screamed aloud as a massive shock ran through her body from horror and outrage. AAAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEE!!
BLAZE [taking her fingers out of her ears]: I don't blame you.

"Yessss," Nephrite hissed,

KAT: Nephrite became a giant snake and swallowed Endymion whole, ending his life in a searing bath of digestive acid. The end.
SONYA [sobbing]: Thank you for the effort . . .

as Endymion pushed again, still slowly, and his cock eased its way inside.
Jadeite sucked on a finger, and reached down to play with Endymion's ass a little, before slipping the finger into Endymion's hole.

AME: Now I'm getting *really* jealous.
BLAZE: Of Endymion for getting that treatment, or of Jadeite for getting to stick a finger in Endymion's ass?
AME: You didn't even have to ask that question. Shut up.

Endymion involunteerily

SONYA: Is that like the Mousketeers?

jerked forwards, and his cock slammed the rest of the way into Nephrite, pushing the guardian forwards until his head rested on his arms.

KAT: Nephrite's head just rolled down off his neck onto his arms?!
BLAZE: Detachable body parts. Gotta love 'em.

"Oh, yes," Endymion wispered. "That feels so good. You're ass is so tight, Nephrite."

SONYA: Or at least it was before you had the GALL to stick your DICK up there, you son of a bitch!!
BLAZE [quietly]: Should we try riffing the typo?
KAT [quietly]: No . . .

"Fuck me," said Nephrite. "Fuck me hard. Make me yours."

AME: Things Men Never Ever Say, But Women Often Do.
BLAZE: Usually To Make Men Happy.
KAT: Amen.

Endymion eased in and out slowly, but soon built up a pace until he was sliding in and out of Nephrite's ass with ease.

BLAZE: I would, at this point, like to say that saliva does *not* make a very effective lubricant for anal sex. In fact, eventually, it starts to hurt like all hell if you're using nothing but spit.
SONYA: I wouldn't waste spit on *this* fic.

Jadeite removed his own clothes, and looked over to see how Kunzite and Zoisite were doing. Kunzite was behind Zoisite, his dick up to the hilt in Zoisite's backside.

KAT and BLAZE: O_O
AME: "And whosoever pulleth this dick from this ass shall be the right-born king of all painfully wrong yaoi lemon scenes . . ."
SONYA [recovering slightly]: Cute.

Kunzite was nibbling on Zoisite's neck, but they were both looking at Jadeite, Zoisite grinning in happiness as Kunzite bucked in and out of him.

KAT: You know, I like having Kunzite in me too, but *not* in my ass.
BLAZE: You're welcome to him.
KAT: Damn skippy.

Jadeite wet his hand, and dropped it to play with his own prick, wetting it for the use he had in mind.

AME [clutching the armrests]: Jade, *no* . . .
SONYA: Be cool . . . just be cool . . .

Grinning back at Kunzite and Zoisite, he moved in behind Endymion, and as Endymion pushed into Nephrite's ass, he positioned his dick just outside Endymion's asshole.

BLAZE: His dick was quickly towed for parking in the red zone.

Endymion groaned as he slid into Nephrite, but as he pulled out another sensation was felt. Something was sliding into his ass.

SONYA: It was a venomous cobra and it bit him and he died. The end!
KAT: We're all wishing along with you, Sonya.

Looking over his shoulder, he met the lustful gaze of Jadeite, and pushed back harder, driving Jadeite's prick deep into him. Jadeite's eyes closed for a moment as pleasure ran through him, but he opened them again and leaned into kiss Endymion on the mouth.

AME [turning jealous green]: JADEITE, YOU TWO-TIMING WHORE! You wouldn't even do that to *me* if I didn't trick you into it . . .
[KAT pats her hand comfortingly]

Their tongues battled for a moment,

SONYA: However, only one of them had nuclear capability. The skirmish was mercifully short, but resulted in both of their heads being blown up. The end.
AME: Stop teasing us.

but Nephrite reaching back under himself to stroke their balls made them realise that they had stopped pumping while they kissed.

BLAZE: Not only had they become slackers on duty at the gas pumps, they had also suddenly turned into Englishmen.
KAT [British]: Poofters!

Endymion started moving again, plunging into Nephrite, then backing onto Jadeite.

AME: I have this odd vision of a game of bumper cars.
SONYA: Really? I'm feeling rather carsick, myself.

Jadeite had his hands on Endymion's hips to steady him, so was surprised by a pair of hands being placed on his own hips.

BLAZE: In this fic, with all the detachable body parts, it doesn't surprise me that the concept of "wandering hands" is *literal*.

Even as he turned his head to look behind, a prick was burrowing its way into his ass. His eyes met Zoisite,

KAT [eyes]: Hi, Zoisite! Nice to meet you! Shall we have lunch?

who winked at him, and blew him a kiss.

AME: However, it was the Mortal Kombat Sonya Blade "Kiss of Death," and Jadeite was incinerated by a giant fireball and died and was OUT OF THIS GODDAMN FIC!
SONYA: Amen.

Beyond Zoisite was Kunzite, still buried in Zoisite's ass.

KAT: Because the shock and horror of this entire scene had gotten to Kunzite, and he suffered a coronary and died and was OUT OF THIS GODDAMN FIC!
BLAZE: And was buried in Zoisite's ass.
AME: That was *sick*.
BLAZE: Hey, Zoey's ass *is* holy ground to me, at least.

So now they were a chain of humping flesh.

KAT [Marlin Perkins]: The majestic humpback poofters often migrate up the coast of North America in an unusual single-file formation . . .

Kunzite fucking Zoisite fucking Jadeite fucking Endymion fucking Nephrite.

ALL [singing]: And a fucking partridge in a fucking pear tree . . .

They started moving, and groaning, as one, Nephrite feeling the full force of four other men plowing into his ass.

SONYA: *My* ass hurts now.
KAT: Mine too.
BLAZE: Same here.
AME: Lucky son of a bitch . . .
[the others give her unamused looks]

Endymion leant over Nephrite, and reached under to start jerking on Nephrite's prick, giving him some pleasure while others took it.

SONYA: Well, how *goddamn* courteous of him!
KAT: Yes, I can see those princely manners at work here.

The five man chain grunted and sweated, and slowly began speeding up as desires built, and cum started to rise in their balls.

AME: I thought Nephrite had removed Endymion's balls?
BLAZE: Maybe he had a spare set.

Undeniable urges made them thrust harder, until their balls bounced off the man in front of them as four dicks slammed hard into four assholes.

SONYA [not quite breathing fire yet]: Yeah, they *are* dicks and they *are* assholes!
[The four women look at each other for a moment, then link hands]
ALL [chanting]: Not our husbands, not our husbands, not our husbands, not our husbands . . .

The sound of breathing was laboured as pleasure rose in their minds and bodies. Cries of animal passion escaped their lips as hips jerked back and forth. The pleasure rose in them, until-

KAT: They blew up. The end.
SONYA: Just hang in there . . .

Kunzite thrust hard into Zoisite, who thrust hard in Jadeite, who thrust hard into Endymion, who thrust hard into Nephrite, while holding tightly onto Nephrite's prick.

BLAZE: You know, if you just ignore who's actually in this, it's kind of a funny image.
AME: I'm laughing. Really.

Semen spurted from Kunzite, setting off a reaction that seemsd to fire a burst

SONYA: Unbeknownst to any of them, the Moral Majority had snuck into the room and put a shrapnel grenade up Kunzite's ass . . .

straight from Kunzite, threw Zoisite,

KAT [singing]: Out the window!
ALL [singing]: The window! The second-story window . . . high, low, low, high, he threw him out the window!
SONYA: I think we're gonna live . . .

Jadeite and Endymion, and out through Nephrite, who's cock spat cum out like a geyser onto the couch.

KAT, BLAZE, and AME: O_O
SONYA [smirking proudly]: Yeah, *that* detail is right. Mmm. Old *Faithful*--when he's in character, at least.

Four men's channels became filled with cum,

BLAZE: Dammit, and I wanted to watch MTV!

some already leaking out to run down legs, and the couch gained several long strings of cum.

KAT: Excuse me a second. I've never liked cumshots. [she fishes a sick-bag out of the side pocket of her chair and proceeds to hurl]

The five froze, still spruting for a moment,

BLAZE: "Spruting"? . . .
SONYA: Let it pass. The end is near.

but even still when the cum ran out, orgasms still in possession of their minds.

AME: Possession is nine-tenths of the law . . .
BLAZE: I was thinking more like *demonic* possession.
AME: That too.

It seemed like they were joined like this for hours,

SONYA: It seems like we've been suffering like this for hours.

until, as one, they shivered and began to come down from their ecstatic high.

ALL : Whooooaaaa . . . duuuuuuude . . .

Kunzite, Zoisite, Jadeite and Endymion pulled out of their respective partners, and Nephrite was the first to slump ont the couch, the others following, but falling onto the floor.

SONYA: So they fell onto the couch, then onto the floor?
BLAZE: I guess.
SONYA: Serves 'em right! They don't deserve to be on the couch with my Nephrite!
AME: The *cum-covered* couch.
SONYA [gagging]: Oh, God, there *is* that . . .

No one was able to speak for a moment, all dazed and covered in cum to various degrees. Finally, Kunzite said "And that's why men are so good."

KAT [weakly]: Oh, shut the *hell* up, dear.

Endymion grinned. "And now, when all else fails, we know we have each other to relieve ourselves."

ALL: You call that *relief*?!
SONYA [darkly]: I'm gonna hate to tell Sailor Moon why I'm kicking her boyfriend's ass off his spine.

"Only when all else fails," Jadeite grinned back,

AME [sobbing]: Sure, *smirk it up*!
[BLAZE pats her back comfortingly]

before leaning over to pull Zoisite into a deep kiss, starting them all off again.

ALL: O_O THEY'RE GONNA DO IT AGAIN?!
SONYA: Run! RUN!

[the three Senshi and one Gemlord break for the doors]
<1>
<2>
<3>
<4>
<5>
<6>
[Bridge. KAT is folding origami again; SONYA's watching curiously. BLAZE and AME are evidently exploring the satellite, occasionally calling back and forth to each other]
SONYA: Why're you doing that?
KAT: It's relaxing. Kunzite taught me.
SONYA: Kunzite does origami?
KAT: Very well, actually. He's got a strong artistic current to his personality.
SONYA: This is the same guy who throws neon pink *boomerangs* as weapons?
KAT: They're not neon pink. They're sort of a lavender-pink. And he prefers the word "slicers", not "boomerangs".
SONYA: They certainly cause quite a bit of damage, I admit. Still, they're not as cool as Nephrite's sword.
KAT: I'm sure that Nephrite's . . . *sword* . . . is very impressive.
SONYA: Hey! Ecchi!
KAT: You noticed.
[AME and BLAZE emerge from the right-hand corridor into the bridge]
BLAZE: This place is pretty big for a satellite. Sonya's right about the suites--better than some hotels I've seen.
AME: At least we'll be in relative comfort up here.
SONYA: I'm still worried about Neph--hey, Ame! Where's your other self? What's he doing?
AME [looking around warily]: I'd rather not say. We don't know if Silver has the place bugged or not.
KAT: You won't even give us a hint?
AME: Sorry. Too risky.
[the console light flashes; BLAZE leans over and hits it]

[D13. SILVER smirks into the Viewscreen]
SILVER: Feeling weak-willed yet?

[DS]
KAT: Not really. The fic wasn't *that* bad. Sure, it was tacky and wildly out of character for the boys, and there was a little too much emphasis on the cumshots for my liking, but I don't think I'm scarred for life. I didn't much appreciate having to see Kunzite boffing Zoisite again, though.
SONYA: Same here. The idea of Nephrite tamely being on the receiving end of that ridiculous daisy chain is really very laughable--as is the notion that he'd initiate the whole bizarre scene by giving Endymion head.
AME: I can buy the sex between Zoisite and Kunzite . . . but as Blaze pointed out, saliva's not a very effective lubricant, and for the other three--who I *assume* were virgins in that arena--it probably would have hurt quite a bit.
BLAZE: Actually, it was passable. No anatomically impossible positions, no over-described--and oversized--phalloi, no tentacle rape, no Senshi tentacle rape, no rape at all, no pedophilia, no seriously disgusting deviant sex practices . . . all told, aside from some spelling errors and omitted words, it wasn't too bad.

[D13] SILVER: Hmm . . . I see I'll have to work a bit harder next time. Considering the vast amount of bad fanfiction that's been written over the last few years, it shouldn't be too difficult to find something appropriate. [smirk] Have a nice evening, ladies. [she reaches out to hit The Button]

*WHOOSH!*

SONYA [faintly]: Come on, Ame, just a hint?

Disclaimers and Legalese
Sailor Moon is copyright Naoko Takeuchi, Kodansha, Toei Animation, DiC, and probably several other people/companies who have lots more money than I have.
The Gemlords/Elemental Guard are copyright Dianna Silver, whose fanfic "Redemption" and other works are really worth reading. Go on, you know you wanna.
Blaze Kennedy/Sailor Callisto belongs to Corvus, whose fanfic "Sailor Soldiers USA" and other works are also really worth reading.
General Silver, Sonya Wolfe/Sailor Draco, and Katrina Troy/Sailor Dione are copyright me. So there. Nyaaaah.
"When All Else Fails" is the property of Hentai Man, and he's quite welcome to it. ;) Not intending any insult to him by this MSTing, believe me . . .
MST3K is property of Best Brains, Inc., but has been altered in a thousand or so ways by devoted fans. We love you guys!
The Holocabana was Megane 6.7's idea, but it's just too cool to leave alone . . .

A hand, Nephrite's, reached in and removed his balls from his pants.